Operation Undercover in Paris : Date A French Woman

PARIS (Herald de Paris) – Parisian women are said to be at the height of fashion. I’m sorry to crush a dream, but most of us won’t wear heels unless we absolutely have to. If nothing the Parisian woman is logical, and doesn’t gets the urge to crush her toes and ruin her back just because it makes her legs look longer.

Photo by SezerKari

When I was in Japan, I became uncomfortable with the hungry looks Japanese women were giving me. I asked a friend about it, and he said that perhaps these women were trying to get an input on European fashion from the way I was dressed. I told this story to my friends back in Paris, and was a little insulted that they laughed so much. Who knows? I may have unknowingly started a new trend in Tokyo. T-shirt, jeans and sneakers are so ‘in’.

So the way to a woman’s heart in Paris isn’t necessarily paved with Dior and Chanel clothes. Actually, holding doors for the girl to walk in the restaurant isn’t part of our daily life. Because if you want to be romantique, you should master the étiquette. And getting it right is harder than what most people think. For example, when you walk in that restaurant, you should get in before the girl. Why? I have no idea. What really matters to us is that you don’t forget you’re still the one who’s supposed to pay.

After your wallet is emptier than a Madoff investment account, you decide to go for the height of elegance, a baisemain. For that one, you must know a few rules to avoid being ridiculous. A baisemain should be graceful; consequently, you must never hold the woman’s hand. You slide your hand under hers, slowly, so she can slap you if she disapprove. And don’t lift it towards your mouth! Your head must go down. Yes, even if you have tragic back problems and the girl is very short. To complete the action, your lips must not touch the skin: they should only graze it.

My point of view is: it’s so hard to do it right that you should altogether forget it. Most French guys don’t bother anyway, so we’re not expecting anything out of the ordinary.

We may live in a cultural capital, but don’t think all French women enjoy going to a museum. If you think your French girlfriend will like the Paris clichés, you’re going to remain single. For example, after doing your homework ? watched a few romantic movies ? you firmly believe that she’ll love to get a romantic kiss on the Eiffel Tower, after getting dinner in this typical small café…

It sounds nice, right? It should be every woman’s dream. But look at it with a purely capitalistic eye. We voted Sarkozy, remember? We voted capitalistic. All 53% of us. We didn’t vote for the elegant-yet-dumb Ségolène Royal.

Climbing on the Eiffel Tower costs a little less than 10 euros (that’s a very expensive elevator); dinner in a café costs well over 15 euros (that’s a very expensive share of freedom fries). For that price, you might as well get the classics right and buy flowers. Because when you’re on top of the Eiffel Tower, your girlfriend will just be annoyed at all the tourists there. She’ll tell you that the view on Paris is much nicer from the top of Montmartre or l’Arc de Triomphe, and complain about the cold.

My first Parisian boyfriend invited me to get a beer in a pub. He threw in a few compliments about my hair, and the deal was settled. The second one bought a bottle of cheap red wine and invited me to drink at his place. Getting his priorities right, he didn’t bother with the compliments. Now I leave the Parisian guys for the foreign women.

As I understand it, to get the romantic Parisian woman, you should do it like it’s done in every country of the world. Just be normal: “Urgh. Me like you. Let’s procreate.” The oldest techniques always have the best results.

There is one thing, though, that is bound to work every single time. Learn a few French words. Just try to avoid the very rude “voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

Journaliste Marine Caillault, a Parisian native, offers the true Parisian perspective only in L’Herald de Paris.

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